008: How To Love Without Sacrificing Your Art

Dear Readers: This advice column continues to be syndicated by a new dark arts and alternative newspaper launched recently in Portland, Oregon called The Portland Outsider.

My column appears bi-weekly as 'Ask Beatnik Betty'. If you are local to the Portland area, please pick up a copy at one of various local coffeeshops, bookstores, and nightclubs. Below is the 4th entry which appears in Issue #004 of The Portland Outsider. 

Dear Beatnik Betty,

I have been an artist all my life and over the years have often had trouble trying to balance my life as an artist with my love life. I sometimes feel that it is more important to finish a creative project than it is to maintain a romantic relationship with someone. I want to do the best I can, creatively, but I don't want to hurt people if and when the artwork comes first. How should I handle this?

Signed,

Unavailable

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Dear 'Unavailable',

The life of an artist is never simple. Many painters, writers, and poets were quite strange people with unusual lives and odd habits. The mind of an artist is complicated, and may heaven help any heart who comes across our histrionic existence. Having said that, it is clear that you have established certain needs, boundaries, and limits for yourself as a person. This is a good start. You know that you need time alone (many artists do), and you need a partner who will not interrupt your creative flow, and who will certainly not create tension in the relationship over your natural artistic inclinations. 

In any romantic relationship, its important to be up-front about these limitations and needs while not alienating your partner. Try to be as specific as possible about the kinds of scenarios that may come up, and how you would like them handled by both parties. Also, ask yourself if you are making promises you cannot keep. Don't promise to take your lover out to dinner and a movie on Friday night if you know deep down that you'll want to spend the evening splattering paint across a canvas or standing on your head while reading E.E. Cummings. Consequently, make sure you make time for your relationship as an equal priority to your artistic goals. If you are busy sculpting a masterpiece all weekend, make sure you reward your lover who gave you the space and energy to do so by taking her out for that dinner and a movie on another evening soon after, and make sure you give her your full attention during that time. He or she has been patiently awaiting and respecting your time, so show respect in return. 

Relationships are difficult to begin with, so there's no easy answers. Everyone's relationship and dynamic therein is unique. What one man needs is a bother to another man. What one woman likes is despised by another. The best way to handle this is to keep lines of communication open, discuss what your needs are, and listen to the needs of your lover. Find ways to compromise. Find ways to share. 

While I wish I could give you additional advice for your specific situation, I turn to the Tarot cards for further insight. As I meditate on your situation, I am noticing that no matter how many times I shuffle the cards, they do not seem "right". I can only sense that I am having trouble determining the true nature of your issue, or that any answers I can give through the Tarot will only scratch the surface. In any case, I hope these three cards I've finally pulled through great pleading with the Goddess are helpful...

The first card is 'Seven of Cups' - indicating that you should consider doing some real soul-searching, and commune with a higher spirit to ask for guidance in this situation. In this card, the questioner admits that she is merely mortal, not a god, and that she indeed has limited view of a situation as a mortal being. Take time to meditate, reflect, and PRAY for answers to your situation. That is the first step. 

Second is the card of 'Strength'. This advises you to tame the lion-beast with tenderness, not brutality or force. As the old colloquial saying goes, "you attract more bees with honey than vinegar." Gentleness will win, not force. Befriend the beast instead of making it your adversary. 

Third, the card is 'Seven of Wands'. Another '7', which is a number of transformation and evolution. The card here implies a certain scene we may have all come across at one point: internal fighting. You're on the same team, yet you feel you're competing. It is like friends gathered together, intoxicated at a party on the beach with a bonfire blazing one night, and then a fight breaks out among them. Are they enemies? No. Are they arguing over a battle of wills? Yes. While you must still value your competitive instinct and creative ambition, remember that the person you are fighting with is not your enemy. 

I wish you great success with your artistic goals, and with your future relationships which I hope are happy, healthy, and balanced. 

Blessings,

Beatnik Betty 

007: How To Heal a Broken Heart

Dear Readers: This advice column continues to be syndicated by a new dark arts and alternative newspaper launched recently in Portland, Oregon called The Portland Outsider.

My column appears bi-weekly as 'Ask Beatnik Betty'. I look forward to this unique cultural publishing medium. If you are local to the Portland area, please pick up a copy at one of various local coffeeshops, bookstores, and nightclubs. Below is the third entry which appeared in Issue #003 of The Portland Outsider. 

Dear Beatnik Betty,

I'm having trouble moving on from a relationship that ended over a year ago.  There was a lot of pain on both sides and there's no way we're reconciling or even getting back on speaking terms.  He doesn't want to hear from me or know me, and I can't work up the courage to face him anyway.  Not trading apologies and forgiveness with him is this big, built-up thing now, it's been keeping me up at night for months and months.  How can I let the past rest when there's no possibility of closure?

Stuck n' Suffering

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Dear Suffering One,

You poor thing, losing sleep over your ex-lover! Many of us poor souls experience this pain at some point in our romantic lives, but going through life in a half-asleep daze only seems to work for a short amount of time before the unrest begins to squirm and flail from within us. It is time to wake up from the dream, and move on with your life.

Right now, your mind is filled with skewed memories, unfulfilled wishes, and conflicts that were never resolved. Relationships that have a history of pain and disharmony are often due to unhealthy partner dynamics that were not recognized early enough to neutralize. There are sometimes lessons we are looking to learn when we enter these relationships, but we often fail to recognize those teachings when all is said and done, and end up repeating the same patterns over and over again, caught in a vicious unending cycle. How doomy and awful! You deserve to create something better for yourself.  

If you truly want to move forward, then I suggest the following:

Write your apologies, forgiveness, raw emotions and things you always wanted to say on a few sheets of paper, in your own handwriting. Read over it, and then set fire to it. Ask the cosmos to relieve both you and he of the pain and suffering that either of you may have left. Ask that you no longer be held back by this karmic burden so that you can move forward in a healthier, happier light-filled world. At this point, you need to LET GO and let the Goddess/God handle the rest. Go to sleep that night with confidence in the approaching new day.

When you awake, get out of your house and pursue your hobbies, dreams, work, and talents, and call up your best friends and schedule a coffee date in the park. Be open to understanding lessons about what went wrong with past relationships, and how to prevent those things in the future. Let go of the past, though, because the future is all that matters.

Now I will reflect on the Tarot to answer your question, pulling one card for your past, and one for your future:

[The Past] Seven of Wands: 

Here, I see a lot of petty power struggles, envy, and competitiveness. Followed by this is learning to stand up for your self. Perhaps, for some reason, you’ve held a belief that you are not as valuable or talented as others, and therefore prevented yourself from pursuing something great. This is a struggle that you can break free from now. You are leaving this behind in the past.  

[The Future] Six of Swords: 

I’m relieved to pull this card, because it means that you will indeed move away from stressful and turbulent energy and toward a more stable and peaceful state of mind. You will begin to focus and align your priorities, boundaries, and needs, and head directly toward achieving them. Once you do this, it will become easier. This process asks you to worry less about your heart, and more about your mind and the thoughts you create and nurture.

To conclude this brief attempt at helping to heal one more broken heart in the world, I feel it necessary to tell you that you, whoever you are, have so much to offer the world, and to yourself. Remember to have a loving relationship with YOURSELF, which includes comfort, care, honesty and even forgiveness.  

May the Goddess heal and bless you,

Beatnik Betty